The Devil's Sermon on the Church and the War.
The Devil's Sermon on the Church and the War.
The Devil's Sermon on the Church and the War.
Last Sunday, in the Wesleyan Methodist Church, Lonsdale-street. Melbourne The Devil preached on the above subject. The Rev. A. R. Edgar presided, and, in a few well-chosen words, introduced the speaker. The address was especially intended for the Jingo parsons of Australia, who were present in great numbers. His Satanic Majesty, on entering the pulpit, nodded familiarly and smiled at many of the
clergy present.
The proceedings were opened with prayer by the Rev. Canon Carlisle, who, in short, prayed that the British might blow the Boers to blazes. (Hallelujah, audibly responded The Devil.)
A flutter of excitement passed over the meeting as His Majesty rose to address the vast audience. Women waved their handkerchiefs, and wept hysterically. Two Central Mission Methodist nuns fainted--in the arms of a very small Methodist curate. Speaking quietly, and in perfect English, His Satanic Majesty said:—
Recognize the "Devil"? Used by Arthur Desmond (Ragnar Redbeard) 1859-1929, promoting Dostoyevsky's "The Priest and The Devil" and "Crime and Punishment" in pamphlets and bookselling advertisements.
Dearly Beloved Brethren,—
The subject upon which you have requested me to address you is one in which I take a lively interest. I am thoroughly in accord with you in the support you have all so loyally given to the war against the Boers. Personally, I dislike war, if it can be avoided, but I can assure you, from my intimate knowledge of the British nation, that war never can be avoided so long as Englishmen are true to their religion. As for the events that led up to this most deplorable and righteous war, I know a great deal about them. I think I am not boasting when I say that practically I have had complete control of South African affairs ever since the Jameson Raid—that noble enterprise which your British poet laureate has so deservedly eulogised. (Cheers for Dr. Jim.) I enjoy the complete confidence of the greatest of living Englishmen, and Her Majesty's most trusted Privy Councillor—my friend Cecil Rhodes. (Cheers for Cecil Rhodes.) (Slight disturbance at the back of the hall).
Dearly Beloved Brethren,—
A great deal which passes as true Christianity at the present time is for true Britishers utterly impracticable. My friend, the Hon. William Shiels, your distinguished statesman, very sensibly pointed this out in Parliament a few weeks ago, with the approval of the whole House. Like my friends around me, I am very good at quoting Scripture. I will quote some this evening. (Laughter.) Not only is there much that is impracticable for true loyalists in the Bible, but there is much that is disloyal to Her Most Gracious Majesty the Queen and the glorious British Empire. But, friends, we are now at war with the Boers. Friends, which side are you on? (For Queen and Empire. Great cheering, during which A. L. Tucker, M.L.A., nearly burst a blood-vessel).
Reverend Brethren, and Brother Christian-Britishers,—
The first duty of us all in Australia is to be loyal to the British Empire. It matters not what the British Empire is doing. Tarry not by the wayside to ponder over justice or injustice, right or wrong. The proper time to think of these things is when everything is over. (Rev. J. Westacott: Cheers for the Queen and the British and the Australian troops).
There is much in the Bible that is calculated to breed disloyalty and sedition throughout the British Empire, and disloyalty and sedition are serious crimes. (F. C. Gray, M.L.A.: Hear, hear.) The Apostle Paul has written much that I agree with. But in such passages as Romans xii., 19-20, he clearly shows that he must not be accepted as a guide by loyal Britishers. Paul says—'Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath:' for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' saith the Lord. 'Therefore, if thine enemy hunger, feed him.' What nonsense, I say; starve him out. 'If he thirst, give him drink.' Give him Victorian wines, or beer adulterated well with salicylic acid, said the speaker (amidst much laughter from everyone, except two very respectable brewers, three vigneron friends of the Victorian Minister of Agriculture, and a manufacturer of unfermented wine and temperance drinks.) 'Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.' Friends, we know something better. Overcome evil with Lyddite shells and Dum-Dum bullets.
(Here a disturbance took place, in which the Rev. C. Tregear charged an elderly man named White with being disloyal. With the assistance of several parsons, the man White was removed).
Brother Britishers,—
I rejoice that you do not love your enemies, whoever they may be. As Britshers, let us all join hands in the overthrow of the pernicious doctrine, written so very ill-advisedly in Matthew xxvi., 52, 'Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you.' Brethren, we must never do anything of the sort, and we must never allow any subject of the Empire to do so. It would be rank disloyalty. My advice is trust your bayonets and try cold steel. I was glad to read the other day that a Britisher was shot because he shook hands with a Boer who was an old friend of his. (Cheers).
I am glad that in your recent sermons you have laid stress on God being the God of Battles. This helps to correct the erroneous impression which is continually arising from that very much overrated text, 'God is Love,' and such Biblical expressions as 'The God of Peace,' 'The God of Love and Peace,' 'The Prince of Peace,' 'The Fruit of the Spirit is Peace.' When you come across such Scripture texts as 'Follow peace with all men,' 'Have peace with one another,' ' Let the peace of God rule in your hearts,' 'Blessed are the Peace makers,' you must always argue that these texts do not really apply to the British Empire, and that they were evidently written without sufficient regard to the urgent necessity, in the interests of Progress, of the British Empire extending over the whole world. (Cheers.)
If anyone should be so foolish as to try and maintain that these texts should be applied in the public policy of a Christian nation, you should point out, as the Victorian Chief Justice and Lieutenant-Governor pointed out on one occasion, that 'the rules of morality, which apply as between individuals, should have no application as between States.' Of course, your Chief Justice is generally wrong in his legal decisions, but that is a good reason for trusting him in deciding questions of theology and morality, which should never be submitted to the infidelity of pure reason or logic. Of course, your Chief Justice's dictum amounts to an authority that, though man as an individual should be moral, as a citizen of a State he may defy all the rules of morality. But it is not judicious to put the proposition that way, for while advocating immorality and crime, you must not appear to be doing so. The point, however, is that the English must own the whole globe. As my friend Trenwith, M.L.A., says, 'The British flag should fly over the whole earth.' Any statement not consistent with this is treason.
(Cheers for Sir John Madden and Trenwith, during which the audience sang 'Rule Britannia').
Dearly Beloved Brethren,—
There is a great danger to the progress of the United British Christian religion and British Christian Empire in the preaching of the morality of the New Testament as distinct from the Old Testament. (Theodore Fink, M.L.A.: Hear, hear.) As my dear brother Dr. Watkins and my friend Canon Tucker have shown clearly that war is a really good thing, nothing but con fusion can result from such texts as that vainly idealistic one, 'Then said Jesus unto him, put up again thy sword into his place; for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.' Instead of following this advice about putting up the sword, which is impracticable, let us give thanks to Heaven that my friends Watkins and Tucker have shown us the better way. The only swords I recommend to be put up are such as are 'made in Germany,' because they are no good for bayoneting purposes. The best time to bayonet the Boers is when they are asleep in their tents. (Cheers, led by the Rev. Caton, of Coburg.) Don't take prisoners, as the Boers do. The more unnecessary killing you do the better for myself and the cause you and I have at heart.
(Here a poet named Purtell endeavoured to recite one of his war poems. But Mr. E. G. Fitz Gibbon objected, being ably supported by Cr. McMahon, of Fitzroy).
Brethren,—
If you search the Scriptures thoroughly, as I hope you do in the support of war generally—and this war in particular—you will find out any amount of texts in the Old Testament that will more than crush the unfortunate texts so carelessly written in the New. (Rev. J. J. Halley: Hear, hear ) You have been told to forgive men their trespasses. Luckily for the welfare and prosperity of the British Empire you have never tried to do anything of the sort. But there is really no harm in pretending that you do. (Staughton, M.L.A.: Avenge Majuba.) There is much in the history of the Jews that I am fond of. Their old book will be useful to you just now. It is more sensible than the words of Jesus, (Sir Benjy Benjamin: Hear, hear.) Recommend your people to treat the Boers as Saul and Samuel did the Amalekites. (Cheers—mostly Jewish cheers.) Blot out the remembrance of Amalek and Majuba Hill.
(Cheers—Jewish and Christian.) Follow David's injunction to Solomon, and when you catch Kruger, 'his hoar head bring thou down to the grave with blood.' (Cheers from every one. The Hon. W. McCulloch. M.L.C., shouted out, 'Hang him,' amidst great applause. The Hon. Ham, M.L.C., shouted 'Burn him and all the Boers,' amidst tremendous cheers from all the M's.L.C. present).
Brother Christian Soldiers,—
War is the incarnation of that blessed passion—revenge. To myself, the most pleasant aspect of the religion which you preach is its sanctification of revenge. The avenging of Gordon and of Majuba are very sacred acts of British Imperial policy. No other acts of legislation or administration could ever have united the Christian and Jewish Churches so strongly. Dear friends, the Jews are with us, and on our side. My beloved Jews in Melbourne have prayed. (Rev. Dr. Abraham and Rev. S. M. Solomon: Hear, hear.) They are accustomed to prey in the same way as you do, only more effectively. They are continually praying in their synagogues for the side which is fighting for the Transvaal Jew millionaires, in order that these Jew millionaires, mostly Germans, may, under British rule, exploit the British white man and introduce cheap black labour. (Cheers.)
The Beits and Barnatos are praying. Barney Allan is praying. Sammie Allan has given two horses to the Contingent, a present which amply atones for turf frauds and corruption. I have always thought it very foolish that injunction in the Sermon on the Mount, 'Thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut the door, pray to thy Father which is in secret.' My dear Melbourne Jews have much improved upon this, even upon their ancestors' ancient custom of praying standing in the synagogues and in the street corners. For when Jews pray in Melbourne nowadays, the press are always invited to be present. I also recommend you all never to pray unless the reporters for all the daily papers are in attendance for shorthand notetaking of the prayers. This is wholesomely Hebraic and thoroughly business like. It will prove your sincerity, and will make you popular with Fatman. Prayers for war are splendid undertakings. They cost nothing, and have a good effect on stipends. (Dr. Bevan: Hear, hear.) There is much that is hopeful in the recent extensive paragraphing and advertising of prayers for war in Melbourne. (Gnat Levi, M.L.C.: Hear, hear.) A lot of money can be made out of war. It facilitates gambling. (Stock Exchange cheers.) Horses have to be bought in our saleyards by our auctioneers and agents. War is good for the horse trade. (J. C. Campbell, M.L.C.: Hear, hear.) Saddles have to be made, and money can be made in making saddles. (Mr. Alston: Hear, hear.) Uniforms have to be made by tailors. This does good for tailors.
(Here Frank Stuart and Mr. Bowley rose and bowed to The Devil. A man named Findley interjected something about the workers having to pay for it all, He was immediately thrown out on his head).
Friends, take the Jews as model exponents of the religion of Jesus. If you do, you will be assuredly following 'In His Steps.'
(Great cheering, led by the eminent Elizabeth-street gunsmiths, Messrs. Abraham Bros., contractors for gunpowder to the Victorian Government. During this scene the Rev. Dr. Bevan and Dean O'Hea shook hands with Revs. Abrahams and Solomon).
Dearly Beloved,—
The Jews, as well as yourselves, deserve great credit for the splendid way the difficulties connected with observance of the Ten Commandments of Moses have been overcome by you all. Adherence to these Commandments would make war impossible. The Commandment 'Thou shalt have no other Gods before Me,' if it were acted upon, would interfere with the oath of implicit obedience of soldiers to their superior officers. The soldiers must choose between obeying their officers and obeying God. A soldier cannot be permitted to follow his conscience. The Duke of Wellington very sensibly said, 'Men who have nice notions of religion have no business to be soldiers;' and Sir Charles Napier has well written, 'To overcome all feelings of religion is generally the means of making a warrior.' 'War was the business of barbarians,' said my friend Napoleon Bonaparte. You must suspend all the rules of moral obligation. In fact, they are suspended; for as Burke puts it, 'War suspends all the rules of moral obligation.' (Hear, hear.) The Commandment 'Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain,' clearly does not apply to Colonel Tom Price, Captain Patterson, or to
the modern representatives of the army that swore so much in Flanders. (Hear, hear.) War is a most desirable school of impiety and profaneness. Blasphemy is very properly the dialect of the army and the navy.
'Remember the Sabbath Day to keep it holy' does not, it is clear, apply to soldiers. The killing of human beings is not unholy on the Sabbath. You are right in preventing working men from looking at pictures in the National Gallery on Sundays. (Bishop Goe; Hear, hear.) But on Sundays they may look at monkeys—in Melbourne. But all the monkeys are not in the Zoo. War is, I am glad to say, a hotbed of the foulest licentiousness. (Cheers from Lonsdale street east.) An English man-of-war sinking off Spithead carried down with her 600 military prostitutes. Amidst the fires of captured Magdeburg and Moscow arose the despairing shrieks of ravished mothers and daughters. War is a Sodom. 'Thou shalt not commit adultery' does not apply, of course, between Britishers and black women. Brougham was clearly wrong when he wrote, 'I abominate war as unchristian. I hold it the greatest of human crimes I deem it to include all others—violence, blood, rapine, fraud, everything which can deform the character, alter the nature, and debase the name of man.'
War is the best possible system of legalised national robbery—the very same thing, only on a larger scale and under the sanction of Government, for which individuals are sent to the prison or the gallows. At Hamburg 40,000 persons were driven from their homes without clothes, money, or provisions. The French troops, on their return from Moscow, often destroyed every building for leagues together; and around Leipsic nothing was spared. Of course, the English are not bound by the Commandment, 'Thou shalt not steal' This Commandment, as well as the others, is only intended for foreigners. I am very glad that your troops have looted so much of the property of the Dutch in South Africa. (Applause.)
The object of war is to kill men. Therefore 'Thou shalt not kill' is not obligatory on Britishers. War is the most useful engine ever contrived for the wholesale destruction of mankind. It is incomparably more destructive to life than the Inquisition or the Slave trade, which your clerical ancestors so loyally supported, and in which I was much interested.
Dearly Beloved,—
The butcheries of the battle-field are splendid—50,000 at Eylan, 80,000 at Borodino, 300,000 at Aroela, 100,000 of the enemy alone by Julius Caesar in a single engagement, more than 5,000,000 in the invasion of Greece by Xerxes, 1,600,000 by Genghis-Khan in the district of Herat, 760 000 in two other cities with their dependencies, and during the last twenty-seven years of his reign, an average of more than 200,000 every year; 215,000 killed that Bismarck might have William I. crowned at Versailles, 750,000 left their bones in the bleak regions of the Crimea, 803.000 killed in the American civil war. In the wars of the First Empire, 5,000,000 men, the pick of Europe, were butchered to swell 'one bloated chief's' unwholesome reign. In every century there are 40,000,000 of picked humanity slain in war. In the 30 centuries which have passed since the towers of Ilium were levelled to avenge the abduction of a strumpet, 1,200,000,000 have been cut off by the sword of war ; that is, 1100 every day, 46 every hour, almost 1 every minute (Cheers.) The corpses of those killed in war, if thrown into the Channel at Calais, would form the famous bridge so long planned between France and England, and separate the Ocean from the North Sea by a weir.
If only the heads of the men slaughtered in war were taken and placed side by side, a band would be formed six times round the world, the cost of killing each one of these being £1400. In the wars of the last 100 years £28,000,000,000 has been spent, or an average of £5,300,000 a week during the whole century. (Cheers from everyone, including the half-starved, the unemployed, and the Trades Hall.) If the 1,200,000,000 skeletons of these tragic sports should rise and climb one upon another, the ladder thus formed would reach the moon, then coil about that body, and continuing on ward, wound mount into infinite space four times as far again, that is 500,000 leagues in height. (Great cheering.)
'Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself' is nothing better than Socialistic tommy-rot, and as vicious as such texts as 'Avenge not your selves,' 'Love your enemies,' 'Whoso smiteth thee on one cheek, turn to him the other also.' I may say I am very glad that so many Wesleyan clergymen in Australia have spoken of the benefits of war. It shows me that the Wesleyans of to-day have very much improved on John Wesley, who said, 'Shall Christians assist the Prince of Hell, who was a murderer from the beginning, by telling the world of the benefit of war?
Shall Protestant publications proclaim to the nations that war is a blessing of Providence?' I think you will all agree that John Wesley was rather rough on me. Wesley evidently thought in the same way as Jeremy Bentham, who said, 'Nothing can be worse than the general feeling on the subject of war. The Church, the State, the ruling few, the subject many, all in this case seem to have combined to patronise vice and crime in their widest sphere of evil.' I am glad that a better feeling exists between us to-day. The Christian Churches thoroughly agree with me in support of war. Do everything you can in your sermons to exalt militarism and depreciate industrialism. 'The soldier must be taught,' writes Lord Wolseley, 'to despise those in civil life.' Pass by all that is honourable in the life, trials, struggles, and deaths of the wage-earners. Preach sermons, like brother the Rev. J. B. Ronald's, on 'the nobility of the soldier's death.'
(Great clerical cheering, and waving of shovel-hats.)
Dearly Beloved,—
Let me commend to you the religious teachings of my dear brother, the Rev. J. Stanley Low, senior chaplain to the forces in Victoria. His teachings get over the difficulties which the New Testament presents to warfare, rapine, and violence. Last Sunday he took for the subject of his discourse from Matthew, 10th chapter, 34th verse —'Think not that I am come to send peace on earth; I came not to send peace, but a sword.' 'These words, he pointed out, at first sight seemed to stand, in direct opposition both to the letter and the spirit of the Gospel. On consideration, however, it would be seen that that was not so. When Christ used such figures as 'My peace I leave unto you, my peace I give unto you,' he was referring to the consummation, the completion of his mission. But the work of Christ on earth was not a compromise with sin, and, therefore, until the completion of that work there could be no peace with evil, and the sword would have to be drawn. As a nation we had drawn the sword against tyranny, selfishness, and injustice in South Africa, and we should pray for the brave men engaged in the battle there.' In this way my brother, Stanley Low most ably proves that Christianity and bloodshed, rapine, lust, and plunder are practically one and the same thing. History supports my brother Stanley Low's sermon. Christianity has been the cause of some of the most deliciously atrocious wars which have ever been waged. In the Middle Ages, and for two centuries after the Reformation, Christians sought to crush each other's opinions by violence. The war against the Albigenses in Provence, the war against the Hussites in Bohemia, the war of the Smalcaldic League in Germany, and the terrible Thirty years war, which put back civilisation in Germany for 100 years, the war of Spain under Alva and Parma against the Protestants of the Low Countries, the wars of religion in France, the war of the Spanish Armada, the civil war of the Seventeenth Century in England, are all of them due to contentions about Christianity. (Cheers.)
There is nothing, of course, inconsistent with the picture of Jesus Christ at the head of an army in full regimentals, equipped with a cockade and feathers, epaulets, and uniform, leading it forth to slaughter those whom He came to save, I fancy I see Him now. Hear Him issue His words of command, and bidding them take good aim, and let every shot tell. See Him smeared with blood, flying from rank to rank urging them on to the work of death. Hear Him call His followers around Him on the field of slaughter, and thank God for the victory. He who 'came not to destroy men's lives, but to save them.' This, I think, is a lovely Christian picture. (The Devil winked his other eye.) I have always supported homicides, prompted by beliefs classed as religious. The Phoenicians, the Scythians, the Greeks, the Romans, Assyrians, and Hebrews have followed me in this. I am so glad the Christians do the same. What we must insist upon always is a thin layer of Christianity overlying a thick layer of Paganism. As the Rev. S. M. Solomon says, 'The Lord is a man of war,' which I submit should be the motto of the British navy. (Great laughter, and cheers for the Rev. Solomon and the British Navy.) Talking about man-of-war, I must say I think the British Navy should be increased, as well as the French German, Japanese, and all others.
I thoroughly approve of all my churches passing resolutions in favour of prosecuting the war. The following is my model resolution, which has been adopted by the Melbourne Primitive Methodist Church. You will observe there is here no foolish prayer for peace in our time, and that it exactly expresses my view.
'Not but what abstract war is horrid,
I sign to that with all my heart.
But actual war is patriotic,
A noble glorious Christian part.'
'That we, the representatives of the Primitive Methodist Churches of Victoria and Tasmania, hereby place on record our deep convictions with reference to the great struggle for liberty and righteousness which is at present taking place in South Africa between the British forces and those of the Boer republics. Whilst we do not believe in the principle of settling our national disputes by the sword, we are convinced that in this case the war was forced upon the British authorities by the Boers themselves, and in self-defence, as well as in helping the cause of human brotherhood and national righteousness, our authorities are fully justified in vigorously prosecuting the war. We earnestly pray that the great God of Battles will bless our sovereign lady the Queen, give grace and wisdom to the leaders of our national affairs in the old land, guide and direct our generals in South Africa, help and support them in their prosecution of the war, succour and sustain our soldiers, com fort the wounded and dying, the widows and orphans, and speedily open the way for a just and honourable settlement of the great matters in dispute in South Africa.'
Dearly Beloved Brethren,—
The early Christians who lived nearest apostolic times, and some of whom might have received their interpretation of Christianity from apostolic lips, made a great mistake in not following my precepts as closely as you do to-day. You have made the Church a success, and you have made it pay. You are loyal to me. They were disloyal. Justin Martyr considered war as unlawful. He said that I, 'The Devil, was the author of all war.' (Laughter.) Tatian speaks in the same terms. Clemens is decisive as to the unlawfulness of war. ('What rot.') Tertullian strongly condemned the practice of bearing arms. ('What rot, Quaker.') 'Can a soldier's life be lawful,' he asked, 'when Christ has pronounced that he who lives by the sword shall perish by the sword? (Wm. Shiels, M.L.A.: Down with the Quakers.) Shall he who is not to revenge his own wrongs be instrumental in bringing others into chains, imprisonment, torment, death?' (Mr. Joseph Symes: Down with the early Christians.) Cyprian considered war as 'differing in nothing from a single murder but in its enormous wickedness.' Those who are convinced of this have, in his opinion, attained to a proper sense of what is right, and have escaped from the pollution of the world. Lactantius says, 'It can never be lawful for a righteous man to go to war whose warfare is in righteousness itself.' Archelaus, Ambrose, Chrysostom, Jerome, and Cyril were all of opinion that it was unlawful for Christians to go to war. Marcellus, Caspian, and Maximilian preferred to be executed, because as Christians they could not become soldiers. I know you all too well to believe that you ever could be so foolish as to act as Jesus did or the early Christians. Jesus and these early Christians were far too simple-minded folk.
(Here a black cat, which had been annoying The Devil by playing with The Devil's tail, was removed from the steps of the pulpit by a priest named Dunne and others.)
Dearly Beloved,—
I need not warn you against the dangers of following the Sermon on the Mount, or the First Epistle of St. John, where love is substituted for revenge. The excellent sermons you have preached on the war have proved conclusively that you have for ever discarded such erroneous teaching. The good use, however, you have made of the Bible makes me hope that you will persevere in your movement for the introduction of the Bible into the State Schools. (Canon Potter: Hear, hear.) The Bible, which you have shown to be the Great Authority for Murder and Outrage, should be placed in every child's hands, and along with it my friend Fitchett's little book, 'Deeds that Won the Empire.' (Cheers for Parson Fitchett.) I do not need to warn you against reading THE TOCSIN.
(Hisses. 'DOWN WUTH THE TOCSIN.' 'Kill all connected with it.' 'Burn THE TOCSIN.'
I am hopeful that we will very soon get back to the grand old times when your ancestors burnt books to protect the people. ('Hallelujah,' and cheers.) Legislation should be introduced, authorising the destruction of literature so opposed to war as the works of Herbert Spencer, Tolstoi, and much of Dickens, Carlyle, Victor Hugo, and Zola. (Cheers.)
Comrades IN ARMS,—
I came across a work of Sir David Brewster's the other day, which shows how ignorant he was of the true essence of popular Christianity. He wrote, 'Nothing in the history of the specks appears more inexplicable than that war—the child of barbarism—should exist in an age enlightened and civilised. But it is more inexplicable still that war should exist where Christianity has for nearly 2000 years been shedding its gentle light, and that it should be defended by arguments drawn from the Scriptures themselves.' I think my brothers Stanley Lowe, or Bevan, or O'Hea could enlighten Sir David Brewster.
Here brothers Stanley Low, Dr. Bevan, and Dean O'Hea, dressed in their full regimentals, rose and gave The Devil a military salute, amid cheers.)
Brewster was as far out from the truth as Soame Jenyns, who put it curiously that 'If Christian nations were nations of Christians, all war would be impossible and unknown among them.' Brewster refers to the gentle light of Christianity, which I think is most appropriate. Keep it very gentle, friends. (Laughter,) I will always assist you in preventing it from becoming a light sufficiently strong to lighten the world. Keep it as gentle as the light from a cathedral window. (Mr. Joseph Symes: Hear, hear.)
Southey was another heretic. He wrote, 'Whence is it that wars still disgrace the self-styled Christian world? It is owing to the doctrine of expediency. If Christians had boldly looked in the face of their duty, as developed in the New Testament, this senseless and infernal system of wholesale butchery must long ago have ceased.'
(Here a man named Murray, a member of Parliament, shouted out, 'Good man, Southey.' Several parsons at once seized the miscreant, and tried to chuck Him out. But all of them fell in a heap. Two parsons got black eyes, several had their clerical garments injured. Murray left the building using naughty swear words, at, which all the parsons uplifted their eyes in holy horror. The Devil himself was visibly affected.)
Friends,—
Dr. Channing did not understand as we do the benefits of war waged by the British Empire on two little republics. He said— 'The chief evil of war is moral evil. War is the concentration of all human crimes. Here is its distinguishing accursed brand: Under its standard gather violence, malignity, rage, fraud, perfidy rapacity, and lust. If it only slew men, it would do little. It turns man into a beast of pray' Friends, this talk, of Dr. Channing is simply childish. He quite forgets that the British Empire has been built up by war, and the Christian religion must be made thoroughly loyal to the British Empire. (Rev. Charles Price: Hear, hear) If it cannot be made so, then so much the worse for the Christian religion. (Mr. Joseph Symes: Hear, hear.) I was very glad, indeed, when I read the other day of a State-school teacher being reproved by Government for teaching that all men, including Boers and British, were brothers.) Mr. Peacock and Dr. Carty Salmon: Hear, hear.) Let me point out that this heresy was first proclaimed in the civilised world by the Stoics, who taught a doctrine which is thoroughly disloyal to Government. They taught that the common ties of humanity transcend the ties of nationality. ('Treason.') It is perfectly clear that the Christian Governments of the world could not exist for a single day if such a doctrine of the Stoics were accepted by Christians. (Frank Madden M.L.A.: Hear, hear.) It is therefore the duty of Christian Governments to do everything they can to prevent the spread of this disloyal sentiment—(Cheers, led by R. W. Best, M.L.A, and his dear, dear papa) this old pre-Christian idea of Cosmopolitanism. (Duncan Gillies, M.L.A.: Heat, hear.) If the ties of humanity be admitted, then good-bye to our glorious Christian governments. (Sargood, M.L.C.: Hear, hear.)
You will, therefore, see that the continued existence of the Governments of to-day is quite incompatible with the recognition of the common ties of humanity. (Murray Smith, M.L.A.: An axiomatic truth. Great cheering.) You must make men support national governments against humanity. It was very largely owing to this heresy about humanity and brotherhood that the whole world owed that state of peace which it enjoyed with so little interruption during the earlier Roman Empire. (William Shiels, M.L.A., trying to look learnedly: Hear, hear.) On the other hand, it is owing to the preaching of the great truths of nationality and loyalty to the Government right or wrong, that to-day armies are counted by millions of men who are ready, and are steadily getting still readier, with the benedictions of the Christian Churches, to spring to arms and cover the world with scenes of inconceivable horror and atrocity, in which I will have a thoroughly good time. (Cheers.) So I strongly recommend you to continue your present policy. The best way to put this truth is by that excellent phrase, 'My country right or wrong.' Some persons may not own very much of their country, its property or land, but by preaching this idea, you will get the most of them to think they do—a mental condition conducive to happiness on their part. This sort of happiness is good for workingmen, and secures to the few who own everything the blessings of perfect peace of mind. You must trap the workers some way, and this is the easiest way of catching the workingmen that I know. But be sure you always call yourselves the friends of the workingmen. Thus will you secure the united support of the Fatman and the Fools. Thus will you secure co-operation. (Loud applause).
Dearly Beloved,—
The glorious cause of international hatred requires a large and carefully selected lot of lies to be always put before the people. You cannot tell too many lies about the Boers. In the days of Wellington, your ancestors spread a lot of lies about the French. To get the people to believe these lies, you must take great care lest the study of sociology should be introduced into the community. This is why I like the young to spend no much of their time reading in Greek, in Latin, and in English about the careers of ancient criminals. This is very edifying, and prevents the people from having the remotest idea about the world they live in to-day.
By persisting in lying about the Germans, the French, the Russians, and all foreigners, the great aim of my policy on earth will be secured, and not alone Europe, but the whole world will go to war. We will also have the benefits of conscription. War being good, as Canon Tucker has shown, the greater the war the greater the good. Hence universal war should ever be your aim. (Pastor Abbott: Hear, hear.) Just now you will have no difficulty in lying about the Boers. Rhodes and his South African newspapers are doing good work. There is a very fine fellow employed in London to send us cables.
I must say I worship the press. I do not know any more honourable method of making money than by publishing lies, and never contradicting them, especially lies about your neighbours. I am glad the days when veracity was considered a virtue have disappeared. Telling the truth is, indeed, a sign of racial inferiority. The aborigines in Central India, the Sowrahs in Southern India, do not know how to tell a lie. They 'are not sufficiently civilised to be able to invent.' This is owing, as all Christian Britishers in India agree, to 'an utter lack of intelligence on the part of the Sowrahs.' Remember on behalf of war that the capacity for lying on the part of a nation is due to the coercing social structure which chronic external enmity develops. Head the 'Age' (Mr. Vale, M.L.A.: Cheers for the 'Age.'), the 'Argus' (Mr, Murray Smith, M.L.A.: Cheers for the 'Argus.'), and the weekly religious papers (Great cheering, led by Parson Fitchett and Mr. Thornton Pearson, Y.M.C.A.) Swallow them all as gospel. ('Hallelujah.') Of the maxims, 'Honesty is the best policy,' and 'Truth always wins,' let me commend, to you the excellent advice of the head of the British army, Lord Wolseley, in his 'Soldier's Pocket-book.' 'These pretty little sentences,' he says, 'do well for a child's copy book, but the man who acts on them in war had better sheathe his sword for ever.' 'Court honour,' he says, 'like a true sinner.' (Mr. Joseph Symes: Hear, hear).
Friends,—
The greatest benefit that flows from 'My country, right, or wrong' is its denial of the claims of a common brotherhood amongst all men. (Sir Malcolm McEacharn: Hear, hear.) Socialism is founded on this erroneous belief, and I need hardly tell you that when the working-men become Socialists the sacred rights of property will be endangered. The workers will be getting on top. There is no effective way of stopping social reform and socialism, except by keeping the nations hating one another, and fighting with one another. It is best to start wars without consulting the common people. I am glad Australia was not consulted at all in this war. After wars are started, you must insist that each of the opposing sides must be supported by their own subjects. You must make the people believe that it is disloyal to their country to stand up for justice or right. You can safely let them have one man one vote under these circumstances, because by so doing you perform the clever trick of giving them a vote with one hand and taking its efficacy away with the other. They can, I am glad to say, neither vote nor voice their opinions upon an undertaking which, fortunately, stops all social reforms—upon the most serious of all questions of human policy. They ought to be, they must be, dumb subjects of their masters who drive them. (Tremendous cheering by sweaters.) The preaching of 'My country, right or wrong,' is the only effective way to stop the advancing tide of socialism and democracy. It effectually prevents the workers from uniting together.
(At this stage a tremendous row occurred. Dr. William Maloney, M.L.A., threw some book at The Devil's head, which he dodged most skilfully. Several parsons excitedly rose, amidst cries of 'Shame,' 'Disloyalist.' 'Traitor.' Somebody waved a red flag amid cheers for 'Socialism,' 'The Coming Revolution.' Efforts were made to put out the Doctor, who was being pulled about in different directions. Stephen Barker was seen trying to pull away a big parson, who was on top of the Doctor. The Doctor managed to get up in a pew, and waved the red flag, which was, however, torn to pieces by the clergy. Mr. Joseph Symes shouted out 'Such is Socialism. It is disgraceful. 'Tut, Tut,' and expressed his disgust. He was immediately embraced by the Rev. A. R. Edgar and Father Costelloe in a very affecting scene. The two Methodist nuns again fainted, this time each in the arms of a different curate. A gentleman named Waldemar Bannow lost his wig.)
Order being restored,
THE DEVIL said,—MY FRIENDS—
Now that you have in your righteous indignation torn that rebel Red Flag, I call for three cheers for the Union Jack.
(Here The Devil waved a Union Jack, and the large audience rose and cheered for fully five minutes, amidst a scene of intense enthusiasm.)
I am sorry there should be this unseemly interruption, said The Devil. However, I am glad to see the union of hearts which is shown here to-day.
(Here Joseph Symes, A. B. Worthington, Pastor Abbott, the Rev. A. R. Edgar, Father Costelloe, Harry Rickards, Dr. Bevan, and J. L. Purves began to weep.)
Don't cry, brothers, said The Devil. We shall all meet again. Our common sentiments in favour of war have united us all. Long have I lingered over a blessed union of churches. To-day this is an accomplished fact. Perhaps the heat of the weather has caused the strong feeling in the hall. Get accustomed to heat, my friends, for you have no idea of the heat that is before you yet. Though I now leave you, the comforting thought is that we shall meet again.
(Smoke and flame, decidedly brimstoney, began to rise from the pulpit, until it rose in great masses to the ceiling. The Devil disappeared)
The meeting closed with the singing of 'Sons of the Sea.' 'The Absent-Minded Beggar,' 'Soldiers of the Queen,' and 'God Save the Queen.' A collection, which was made at the door', raised £25 10s. 2½d. This was placed near the pulpit for safety during the row, but in some mysterious manner the money disappeared.
TOCSIN, Mars 1, 1900
